


honey and lemon

by aruarudayo



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Major Illness, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Self-Esteem Issues, Voice Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:11:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26480140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aruarudayo/pseuds/aruarudayo
Summary: For i7 Rarepairs Week 2020 Day 2: Illness/InjuryAfter losing his voice, Mitsuki finds himself at Tenn's front door looking for a change of pace.
Relationships: Izumi Mitsuki/Kujou Ten
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39
Collections: IDOLiSH7 Rarepairs Week 2020





	honey and lemon

It starts in the back of his throat.

He doesn’t think that much of it; he’s been working more often, so it makes sense that his throat is straining. Besides his regular stage performances with IDOLiSH7, he’s been a guest on talk shows and variety shows, and of course IDOLiSH7 has its own show that he’s the host for. Sometimes he’s the last person to come home to the dorms, and the rest of his body is exhausted, so of course his voice is getting tired, too. He thinks to himself that he’ll ask for more days off in the next few weeks before he goes to sleep, only to forget when he wakes the next day, caught up in his busy schedule for the day.

Then, before he realizes it, Izumi Mitsuki begins losing his voice. 

It comes in small incidents, his words stumbling in the middle of a sentence where before it’d been fluid, his voice struggling to reach notes during recordings that before had been easy. His throat catches on something every time he tries to talk, and while he’s able to play it off at first, it becomes more and more prominent until he—and, unfortunately, everyone else—can’t ignore it anymore. 

Iori forces him to stop working. “You are an idol, Nii-san,” he says matter-of-factly, standing in front of Mitsuki’s door with crossed arms to stop him from leaving. “If something is happening to your voice, we need to treat it immediately or it could be disastrous for your career.”

From where he’s sitting on his bed, hugging his pillow and trying not to cry, Mitsuki can hear Tsumugi distantly through the door, canceling his appearances for the next few weeks. Logically, he knows they’re just looking out for his best interests. Still, he kind of wants to punch his brother in the face. He can’t even form a proper retort, the sound raspy and stunted until he gives up in frustration. He settles for petulantly falling into bed and turning towards the wall.

With a sigh, Iori’s tone softens. “I just want you to feel better. IDOLiSH7 isn’t the same without you. Everyone’s already said that they’ll take care of your work however long it’ll take for you to recover, so think of this like a vacation and focus on getting better.”

Mitsuki wishes that he could think of it as a vacation. But vacations are supposed to be fun and relaxing, and there really isn’t anything fun or relaxing about spending all his time visiting doctors and specialists, all while having nothing else to distract him from how he isn’t really able to talk. He can’t even go outside, bombarded by paparazzi who want a comment from him despite Takanashi Production’s official statement that he isn’t able to comment on much of anything. After they don’t get the hint, he stops leaving the dorm. 

His voice’s condition fluctuates wildly, some days letting him talk to his group mates normally, only the barest hint of soreness tickling his throat, while other days it’s a chore to get a single syllable out. On the bad days he confines himself to his room and watches television so he doesn’t have to interact with his friends, because worse than the feeling of losing his voice is the overwhelming discomfort of being pitied by the other members of IDOLiSH7.

He knows they just want to help. A lot of times it’s nice that they want to do chores for him (even though a lack of voice doesn’t get in the way of that), and it’s sweet that they try to distract him by spending time with him. But watching MagiKona with Nagi means hearing his own voice on the television every few episodes, and the pudding that Tamaki tries to give him to cheer him up won’t magically make his condition improve. And seeing everyone doing chores when their schedules are packed (because of  _ his _ absence) leaves a very bad taste in Mitsuki’s mouth.

So he takes the housework onto himself, making sure things are done before any of them get home. Then he makes himself scarce so they don’t feel obligated to cheer him up. 

For lack of a better word, it  _ sucks _ . 

Even on his own he can’t find peace; without the others around, he can’t distract himself from the thought that he is nothing without his voice, that he’ll be replaced if this goes on, that everyone is humoring him now but soon he’ll be nothing but a burden. 

When weeks go by and his voice still isn’t consistent, he decides he can’t be in the dorm any longer. He’s supposed to be a part of this group, this family, but suddenly he doesn’t belong. If he can’t contribute, it might even be better if he didn’t exist. 

So while everyone else is out at a group event, he throws on a hat and face mask and walks out the door. He doesn’t have a plan beyond getting far away, and fast, somewhere he doesn’t have to be himself, somewhere he doesn’t have to be Izumi Mitsuki from IDOLiSH7. 

Somehow, his feet bring him to the front door of TRIGGER’s apartment. He’s come over a few times to play ball with Ryuu or watch movies with Gaku, and he wonders what they’ll think of him coming over, if they think he’s here for fun and not out of desperation. As he knocks on the door, he wonders what Tenn will think, the one he has the most complicated feelings for while his voice is gone. 

It’s not as if Tenn and Mitsuki have never spent time together. They’ve been on shows together, especially when Mitsuki still had a full schedule. Mitsuki thinks they’re alike, but that’s probably why he’s so reluctant to see him—if Mitsuki thinks he’s a failure, what would Tenn think? Kujou Tenn, the nation’s perfect angel, the most dedicated idol of the current generation, the one who’s as hard on others as he is on himself. What would he think of Mitsuki, who’s handicapped his group? What would he think about how he’s let down Riku, his brother? Mitsuki hopes that Tenn isn’t home right now, but just as he had hoped that his voice would improve, his prayers aren’t answered.

“Izumi Mitsuki,” Tenn greets, his face impassive as usual. 

Mitsuki waves nervously, internally breathing a sigh of relief when Tenn lets him in without question. He gingerly toes off his shoes, the adrenaline from his trip over here wearing off and leaving him tired and more than a little anxious to be in someone’s home unannounced. He doesn’t hear anything else in the apartment, so Gaku and Ryuu must not be home (he knows both of the other men are loud).

“The other two are doing a radio show right now,” Tenn says, as if he can read Mitsuki’s mind. “I’m the only one home right now. I hope you don’t mind.”

Mitsuki shakes his head, opening his mouth to assure Tenn that he doesn’t mind at all, but what comes out is barely audible even to his own ears. He wrinkles his nose and clears his throat, feeling the knot in his voice box give way slightly. “I like your company,” he croaks out, before clearing his throat again with a frown. 

Tenn hums thoughtfully. “Let me make some tea,” he offers, making his way to the kitchen.

Mitsuki follows behind, heat burning his ears as he fights off the embarrassment of sounding so awful in front of someone else, especially someone he admires and considers a friend. He sits at the table and stares off into space, listening to Tenn fill up a kettle with water and put it on the stove, the metallic click of the starter sounding homey even in another person’s apartment. Focusing on someone else bustling about the kitchen is relaxing, pushing his own thoughts out of his head to give himself a much needed respite.

He doesn’t notice Tenn staring at him while the water boils, so he’s surprised when suddenly the other sets a pen and notepad in front of him. 

“If it hurts your voice, you can use this to talk to me if you’d like.”

Mitsuki looks at him for the first time since he’d come in. Tenn’s eyes are kind, a comforting smile lifting the edges of his lips. Sometimes Mitsuki forgets that Tenn is used to taking care of people, what with how Gaku and Ryuu like to talk about spoiling him from time to time. Mitsuki and Tenn have talked about what it’s like being an older brother before, and though Mitsuki feels a bit weird being on the receiving end of Tenn’s kindness since he’s supposed to be the older one, he’s definitely grateful. He grabs the pen. 

_ Sorry for showing up all of a sudden. I needed some air and wound up here. I don’t know why. _

“Where’s the rest of IDOLiSH7?” Tenn asks as the kettle whistles for him to take it off the stove. 

_ I think they’re on Next Re:vale today. Or maybe it’s Mr. Shimooka’s show. They’re all together at least, but I haven’t been keeping track of their schedules for a while. Sorry. _

A hot cup of tea is placed before him as he finishes writing. Mitsuki gives his response to Tenn and picks up the cup to take a sip, tasting citrus and honey. 

“It’s fine if you don’t know,” Tenn says after reading the notepad. “I don’t expect you to since you aren’t working right now.”

Mitsuki writes down his response quickly, the pad still in Tenn’s hands.  _ Really? _

“I know for a fact that if you could be on stage you would be.”

_ Gee, you’re nicer to me than you are to your own brother. Didn’t you yell at him for having an attack backstage during a live? _

Tenn scowls. “Riku doesn’t know his own limits. He’d quite literally kill himself on accident if other people don’t step in. What you have isn’t potentially fatal, but it does make it difficult to do your job. I don’t expect you to be on stage.”

_ I wish _

Mitsuki starts writing before he thinks better of it, scribbling over the words as soon as he’d written them.

Naturally, Tenn won’t let him make a mistake. “You wish what?”

Mitsuki grimaces, twirling the pen in his hand as he tries to get his thoughts in order.  _ I wish I could be on stage. _

“Of course you do. You’re an idol,” Tenn responds easily. “I’ve certainly never questioned your resolve.”

_ That’s a compliment coming from you.  _

“You should take it as one.”

Mitsuki takes another sip of his tea, the lemon and honey soothing his throat. 

_ Well thanks. Also thanks for the tea. _

“I thought that what works for Riku might work for you. Sometimes he’d cough so much that his voice would go hoarse, and I’d make him some of this tea. His condition isn’t quite the same, but I’m glad it seems to be helping.”

_ It is. It tastes good too.  _

When Mitsuki looks up, he finds himself practically nose to nose with Tenn. In his excitement to talk to someone, even through text, he hadn’t bothered to take back the pad, leaning over and writing while it still sat in Tenn’s hands. He quickly straightens up, trying and likely failing to look natural. 

Tenn doesn’t comment on it. “Do you want to keep talking?” he asks, sliding the pad back to him. 

_ I’m not keeping you from anything, am I? _

“You came right after I came home. I’m free the rest of the day.”

_ Good, because I’m free all day too. _

They both go through a few cups of tea each as they talk, moving to the couch in the common area after the hard kitchen chairs start bothering them. They chat about the weather, a drama on TV, TRIGGER’s upcoming new album, and their respective members, among other things.

Mitsuki wonders, as he leans into Tenn so he can write out another response, why the air feels so light here, why he feels like he can breathe for the first time since he stopped working. He wonders if it’s the change in scenery, just as he wonders if perhaps he’s getting better after all. He wonders if it’s Tenn, someone who respects him as an idol but doesn’t need him to be one like his group mates do.

“Is it hard being with IDOLiSH7?” Tenn asks suddenly, breaking him out of his thoughts. 

He scribbles a reply.  _ Hard in what way? _

“You essentially ran away from your dorm, didn’t you?”

Mitsuki makes a face.  _ It’s not hard exactly. I’m just having a hard time adjusting. _

“To your illness? I feel like that’s something you don’t have to adjust to.”

_ More like to the consequences of it. I don’t like that my space is empty in their performances. I don’t like that they come home too tired to talk to me like this. I don’t like that Iori keeps trying to hover over me like I’m made of glass, or that Sougo keeps trying to do chores for me. My voice just doesn’t work right, but they think I’m suddenly an invalid.  _

“So what made you come here?”

Mitsuki pauses; he still isn’t sure. He has some idea, but it’s embarrassing to write down. Still, he probably owes this to Tenn for letting him stay for so long (Idly, he looks at his phone, which is filled with messages from the other members. When had it gotten so late?)

_ I think I was lonely. _

He doesn’t look up as he continues, trying to ignore how warm his cheeks are.  _ Everyone’s really supportive, but they’re all busy. And being around them just reminds me what I CAN’T do, like how I can’t host the show now and I can’t sing my parts in our songs. At least here I can just spend time with you and I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be doing something.  _

When he finishes the last word, he tosses his pen onto the coffee table, looking away so he doesn’t have to face his own vulnerability. Mixed emotions churn in his stomach, an uncomfortable sense of regret for saying anything combined with the relief of being seen for the first time in a while. He isn’t sure which is more prominent.

His phone buzzes quietly in his pocket. 

“I think you should answer that,” Tenn comments. “They’re probably worried about you. I know I would be.”

Mitsuki huffs as he takes out his phone, opening the most recent message and typing a reply. He’s met with a flurry of messages asking if he’s okay and where he is, which he dodges with half answers, promising to come home soon. 

“If you’re ever lonely again, I’ll gladly keep you company.” 

Mitsuki pauses at Tenn’s words. Tenn seems to pause a moment too.

“Izumi Mitsuki isn’t someone who should be alone. People want to be around you, myself included. Frankly, I’d be fine with it if you took up all my free time.”

Mitsuki drops his phone. 

“You can’t just  _ say _ that,” he rasps out, too shocked by Tenn’s sudden declaration to be conscious of his voice. 

“But it’s true?” Tenn replies nonchalantly. “We just spent an entire day together and I enjoyed it, so I think it would be good to do it again, as long as I’m not working. We used to get dinner when we worked together, so we can go back to that if you’d like.”

Mitsuki grits his teeth, grabbing the pen once more.  _ Do you realize you sound like you’re asking me on a date. _

Tenn blinks innocently. “What if I am?”

_ I can’t even talk to you properly. _

“But we’ve been talking just fine.”

“This is not fine,” Mitsuki garbles out, the sound pitching up in the middle unnaturally, though he isn’t sure if that’s from his condition or from exasperation towards Tenn. He goes back to the notepad, turning to a new page since he’s been writing big in his haste.  _ I’m not someone that Kujou Tenn should date. I’m not even an idol right now.  _

“You’ll always be an idol,” Tenn says confidently. “With or without your voice, you want to please your fans. You want to make others happy. That’s enough for me.”

Mitsuki covers his face with the notepad so Tenn can’t see how red he’s become. To make matters worse, he hears the door open, Gaku and Ryuu calling out for Tenn from the entrance. 

“Oh, Izumi-ani. Haven’t seen you in a while,” Gaku says when he enters the room. 

“Mitsuki-kun’s here?” Ryuu asks excitedly, popping his head through the door. “What brings you here?”

“We’re talking about—”

_ I’m going home _ Mitsuki writes, shoving the notepad hastily over Tenn’s mouth. “Sorry,” he says, wincing as pain lances up the back of his throat. 

Ryuu makes a sympathetic expression. “Ah, that sounds pretty bad. You should get back to your dorm and get some rest.”

“I hope Tenn hasn’t been bothering you too much,” Gaku says. 

Mitsuki shakes his head fervently. He chooses not to use the notepad as he tells them, “He’s helped me a lot.”

Tenn smiles. “I’m glad to hear that.”

As he gets ready to leave, Mitsuki feels like a weight’s been taken off his shoulders, like he’s finally ready to face the kindness of his friends. Right before he opens the door, he notices he still has the pen in his hand. 

Tenn left the notepad in the common area, and with no paper, Mitsuki will have to make do. He grabs Tenn’s hand, jotting down a note on the other’s skin and leaving the pen in his hand before heading out the door. 

_ Fine. Let me make you happy.  _

_ Dinner tomorrow. My treat.  _

_ Thanks for everything.  _

**Author's Note:**

> I am of course fashionably late to my own fan event lol This has minimal beta-ing, so let me know if you find any particularly egregious mistakes. I think you can probably figure out what inspired this, and I tried my best to do enough research, so hopefully it's portrayed respectfully. I'm not sure how I feel about how it turned out, but it's a reasonable attempt for an evening of frenzied writing. About halfway through writing this, I thought it would be a particularly good family fic, and also it's not like Mitsuki is better yet either, so I may revisit this idea again in the future. If you got all the way here, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
